Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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