She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
