If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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