omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
