My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
