Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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