im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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