Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize