Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
