im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
