as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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