I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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