If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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