Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
