What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
