the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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