Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
