she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
