so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
