My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
