i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
