what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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