If i come over, it means nothing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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