Soap is not a condiment
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
