i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
