ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
