I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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