She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
