where does the pee come out of this thing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
