Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
