she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
