You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
