There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
