everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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