I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
