after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
