that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
