My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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