Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
