I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
