Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
