I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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