How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
