if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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