i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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