I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
