carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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