you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
