When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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