your room smells of hookers.
And success
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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