fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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