i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
