how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Green mimosas i think yes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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