This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
