You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
