Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
