I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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