It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize