with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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