Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize