if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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