I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish i was in the wii world.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
