***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I supernannyed him into submission
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