Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
