Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
