i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
