What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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