All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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