do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
