Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize